I’m hoping my colleagues in the biased news media have unfairly portrayed the contents of a recent report, which slams the East Bay Regional Parks System for the unmitigated gall of having all its parks in areas full of rich white people.

In a new application of the environmental justice theme, a San Francisco law professor says low-income minorities in the East Bay’s flatlands deserve better access to regional parks located mostly in the hills near affluent homes.

The East Bay Regional Park District should do more to improve bus service to its parks, and consider putting more emphasis on acquiring lands in flat areas like Richmond and Oakland, according to a new report released today by Paul Kibel, an adjunct professor at the Golden Gate School of Law.

“The majority of East Bay Parks acreage is located adjacent to affluent white neighborhoods,” Kibel wrote, “and the amount of agency holdings in or near low-income minority neighbors is still fairly minimal.”

So all those empty buses you see on the suburban streets? They should be making special trips to drop off their non-existent riders at the regional parks. Then we can all sit back and watch gratefully while the seeds of environmental justice bear fruit.

Can’t help wondering: Are there any cheap open lands near Oakland and Richmond that don’t require billion-dollar toxic clean-ups? If so, there’s a dozen fat-walleted folks in line ahead of the regional parks district.

I guess the parks department could hire its own buses and send them into the inner cities to pick up the throngs demanding a ride to the countryside. I’m sure they’ll hear from these throngs when they find time away from the small task of scraping together enough bucks to feed the kids and pay $2,000 a month in rent.

Occurs to me that the decent hard-working inner-city dwellers who’ve earned a nice day in the country most likely might have better things to do with their leisure time than spending two hours on a bus to take a walk through the woods.